GNOMES

[Timepoof]

GNOMES HAVE INVADED THIS ACCOUNT.
WE COME IN PEACE AND WISH TO HAVE A GNOME QUEEN.
WE CAN TRADE RED HATS FOR ANYTHING ELSE ON OFFER.

SHMEBULOCK!!! SHMEBULOCK!!! SHMEBULOCK!!!

EXCUSE US, SHMEBULOCK ISN'T FEELING VERY WELL.
VXFK JQRPHV. JQRPHV DUH JUHDW. JQRPHV.

[Bluelantern]

A bell should be the gnome queen, that would end well!

[DanielH]

Bluelantern: Not necessarily; sometimes “Queen” is not a very interesting role. I’m particularly thinking of Chronicle dragons.

Gnome invaders:
What have you done with the usual account owner?

What do you want in a gnome queen?

What sort of red hats? Do you have fedoras in particular?

I hope Shmebulock feels better soon.

[Timepoof]

WHO OR WHAT IS A BELL?

WE HAVE JUST HACKED HER ACCOUNT, SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO RESTORE IT AFTER WE ARE DONE.

WE WANT LOYALTY, A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR AND A CREATIVE MIND.

YES. WE HAVE ALL THE KINDS OF RED HATS, INCLUDING THOSE. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME IN EXCHANGE FOR SOMETHING ELSE?

THANK YOU. SHMEBULOCK SAYS "SHMEBULOCK".

[MaggieoftheOwls]

I don't have a queen available, but I could maybe help you write love poetry once you find a prospect in exchange for some fezzes.

[Timepoof]

ALRIGHT. WOULD YOU LIKE A DESIGN ON YOUR FEZZES?

[Aestrix]

VICTORY FOR THE LEPRECHAUNS!

LEPRECHAUN VICTORY

---

Timepoof: HELLO CENTAUR. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY RED HATS?
Aestrix: No, thank you, I was recently sold half a truckload of blue hats and I really feel like these are too many hats
Aestrix: And buying red hats would just make it worse
Aestrix: What would I even do with that many hats, I only have one head, and can only wear one hat at a time!
Timepoof: YOU COULD BUY QUALITY RED HATS FROM US AND SELL YOUR BLUE HATS WHICH WERE PROBABLY MADE BY LEPRECHAUNS. THEY ARE OUR MAIN COMPETITION IN THE HAT BUSINESS
Aestrix: The guy that sold me the blue hat did look pretty shifty. Are Leprechauns pretty shifty people?
Timepoof: YES. THEY ARE SNEAKY AND SHIFTY, UNLIKE US HONEST GNOMES.
Aestrix: Dangit! If only I'd met you sooner, trustworthy gnome
Aestrix: If you can help me sell my blue hats I can buy your red hats
Timepoof: YES, OF COURSE. HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PRICE BLUE HATS AND HOW MUCH RED ONES?
Aestrix: What currency do the noble gnomes work in, traditionally?
Aestrix: I've been using the unicorn currency of leprechaun gold, but it might be counterfeit
Aestrix: You know those unicorns.
Timepoof: WE ARE QUITE FLEXIBLE, AS WE HAVE DIVERSE CUSTOMERS. WE DO PREFER TO USE MORE RELIABLE CURRENCIES BUT IF THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE WE CAN MAKE DO.
Aestrix: Oh, really? Oh, that's fantastic, I'll be able to buy more red hats with the extra leprechaun gold I have from the leprechauns - okay, well, I have 428 blue hats
Timepoof: I THINK A RATIO OF 2 BLUE HATS PER RED HAT IS QUITE FAIR, CONSIDERING THE QUALITY. THAT LEAVES 214 RED HATS FOR YOU
Aestrix: Hmmmm, yeah, that's acceptable to me. You won't mind selling the low quality hats?
Timepoof: NOT AT ALL. WE WOULD OF COURSE WRITE DISCLAIMERS, UNLIKE THE LEPRECHAUNS, SO IT MIGHT TAKE A WHILE, BUT IT'S BETTER THAN LYING.
Aestrix: That's quite fair!
Aestrix: I'll be sure to recommend gnome merchants to my friends
Aestrix: All right, where do I ship the blue hats to?
Timepoof: 3487, DORNBERT STREET, SOUTH FLOGGY.
Aestrix: All right!
Timepoof: THANK YOU. YOU ARE A NICE AND SMART CENTAUR. TELL THE OTHERS ABOUT THE LEPRECHAUNS.
Aestrix: Of course!
Aestrix: <3
Aestrix: So I got the UPS to ship at ludicrous speed, the hats should arrive in...
Aestrix: ...
Aestrix: Oh. Now. They should arrive now.
Timepoof: WE GOT THE HATS. WE ARE SENDING THE RED ONES, BUT WE HAVE RATHER SLOWER SHIPPING BECAUSE OF THE BUDGET. WE HAVE SENT THEM JUST NOW. THEY WILL ARRIVE IN 5 MINUTES
Aestrix: Excellent, thank you
Aestrix: The hats have arrived and they are in excellent condition
Aestrix: And the illusioned blue hats should be fading from existence right about now. ;)
Timepoof: WHAT?! YOU SCAMMER! OUR HATS!!! NNNOOOOO!!!!
Aestrix: Gnomes: 0, Leprechauns: 1
Aestrix: :)
Aestrix: Next time verify that you're talking to a centaur.
Aestrix: BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN A LEPRECHAUN THIS ENTIRE TIME, MEEEHEEEHEEHEE!
Timepoof: :(

[DanielH]

I didn’t realize I was getting into the middle of a dispute here, although from this it does look like the gnomes are better trading partners.

A Bell is a type of person who is very good at some jobs describable as “queen”, but not necessarily all of them.

What does a gnome queen do? The word is a bit ambiguous in this language; it might mean a political ruler, a religious figure, or the mother of an entire generation.

[MaggieoftheOwls]

Mm, thank you for offering, but no, aside from the tassel I'd prefer solid red.

[Timepoof]

A QUEEN IS A POLITICAL RULER WHO ALSO TAKES CARE OF US. SHE MUST MARRY ALL ONE THOUSAND OF US AND BECOME OUR GNOME QUEEN FOR ALL OF ETERNITY.

ALRIGHT. HOW MANY DO YOU NEED?