[Idea Advice] Imprinting/Mate Bonds as Brainwashing

[Alicorn]

I don't have enough information to form an opinion on whether anything Elspeth would consider her business would be occurring, I don't think.

"Screwed up themselves"?

[Yadal]

The character explicitly did not want a mate bond. However, they made some sort of mistake in their plan to avoid one, and thus ended up with a mate bond anyway. Sorry about the wording- that was dumb of me.

Although now I'm thinking it would be better if they were emergency-turned, and thus never had a chance to make that descision.
(EDIT: The key question is if the characters who argue with the MC have a leg to stand of if I go for the dramatic alternative. The dramatic alternative would be a vampire who explicitly did not want a mate bond getting one.)

Alicorn, I do not want to pressure you on this. But if you do look at this and are willing to post, in particular requesting help with determining the plausibility of events. I know the Climax stretches things, but for a story like this to work I need a Climax of some sort and there is no other way I can think of to create one.

Human Plot

---

Putting a plan together here as I think. Thanks to Bluelantern for IRC-based help. Adding edits as I come up with details. I am chatting with Bluelantern on IRC and doing this simultaneously. Some of this I did without consulting though, so don't blame Bluelantern for what's probably my mistakes.
(ADDITIONAL EDIT: I suppose I could have Alice enter this plot. But given the kind of person this MC is, the logical response would be for them to be very creeped out by Alice manipulating them. Not sure what to do there come to think of it. I made the issue early on because the Coven would care, but I don't want to get too many major characters involved or it feels ridicolous)

-The story is made into a "dilemna" plot. The Vamp was somebody emergency-turned who never consented to being a vampire, strictly speaking. The "Protagonist" (is antagonist more appropriate?) happened to come up when this unfortunate soul was being turned, having no idea what they were doing. An involuntary Mate Bond occurs.

-Gender: For the moment, the Vamp is male and the MC is female. I speculate about reversing that, primarily because a heartbroken female gets more sympathy.

-The setting: About a month post-Radiance (or maybe close to three months- they've consolidated, but still very new). This justifies major characters getting more involved.

(NOT SURE WHERE: The vamp is established as somebody brilliant. At least with a little help and Alice's distraction, he's smart enough to evade Alice)

-Chapter 1: Introduces the Protagonist, then her dilemna. The character shows an extreme stubborn streak as well as a strong moral code. The character lives close to the Golden Coven, so the Coven have a lot of influence.

--------------
(Timeskip for as long as a Newborn takes to adjust)

-Chapter 2: Reactions. From a Golden Coven perspective this is a minor issue but something they don't like nonetheless, as it creates friction based on the new laws. Benjamin's POV (or another sympathetic canon character) as the issue is debated, as well as heartbroken Vamp's POV.

There is some nervousness due to the newborn laws. Bella considers this just important enough to delegate somebody trying to fix it (probably Elpseth, maybe Carslile/Esme), and to some extent has to avoid people putting more importance on the issue than it's worth. Even she is sympathetic to the newborn Vamp though. Alice is not involved at this point as it's not important enough.

Overall, the fallout is bad enough that from a Golden Coven perspective it is a minor irritant.

-Chapter 3: Argument. Benjamin jumps the gun on the delegate because he happened to be there, leading to an argument which alienates the MC because Benjamin is incapable of even understanding consent let alone putting this tactfully.

-Chapter 4: Argument with MC. Not sure if this is Elspeth or Carslile/Esme (hesitant about Elspeth as an arguer). If the latter, an argument about overriding consent ensues. If the former, the best I have is an argument in which Elspeth's power comes into play and it's pointed out that if Elspeth honestly believes something false, she can be very dangerous with it.

(EDIT: Bluelantern's interpreation of Elspeth says that she can give a coherent argument. Maybe my standards are higher, but I disagree. She won't make her case well in terms of actual arguments, I fear)

-Chapter 5: Coping with Heartbreak. A Vamp perspective chapter. Their emotions are very predictable, but if well-written could be strong.

-Chapter 6: Confrontation. Something of a twist at this point- the MC was a childhood friend of the Vamp (not necessarily they are both children, but that the Vamp made a strong impression on the MC when the MC was a child), but wasn't remembered. She either greatly respected or even had a crush on them, but doesn't want a relationship not based on consent. From her perspective (or maybe him- not sure about gender combos) she respects the Vamp too much to "rape" them. The fact the Vamp has forgotten the MC doesn't help one bit.

Alliera's reaction to the use of "rape" might be amusing but probably a tangent (EDIT: And maybe a bit tasteless, even if I do have to point out the MC is taking it too far).

-Chapter 7: This isn't enough for the Meat, but political speculation on the impact of this ongoing case for the Golden Coven that is realistic for the situation. I want it to be "minor irritant" level, but I might not be able to justify it.

The MC reveals her "secret" to the Vamp either here or in Chapter 6.

Meanwhile, the Vamp has a discussion with a Mated Vampire who is very anti-Coven that sparks off thoughts. Edward is busy on something else, as is Alice (or maybe the Mated Vamp is also clever about these things. Addy's Twitter Feeds solution should be known by now). The thought is planted in the Vamp's mind. Intention of kidnapping ensues.

-Chapter 8: A brilliantly thought out kidnapping plan. Plenty of emotional drama to wring out of this.

-Chapter 9: Culmination. The Vamp's plan starts falling apart, and he is cornered. The Vamp tries to argue that this is a unique situation because of the MC's unreasonable motives. Besides, logically speaking she won't blame him for his actions. This doesn't work, and the Vamp is Hidden. Whilst Hidden, the Vamp ends up commiting suicide as the situation is hopeless.

However, it is too late and the MC has been Turned even if she hasn't Mate Bonded.

-Chapter 10: Epilogue. This case has been annoying for the Golden Coven's political prestige, and they don't like it. A lot of characters do not think very highly of the MC now. Several arguments between the MC and other characters, some who basically blame her and others who think of this as tragic foolishness but don't assign moral blame.

The MC adopts a "blindness mask" for most purposes, both to stop people seeing her face to prevent mate bonds and so she doesn't mate bond herself.

Werewolf Plot: The more I think about it, the more this doesn't work. In canon Twilight I can see the Werewolves getting very angry. But the Golden Coven will be understanding with an excuse like this, the Luminosity/Radiance canon Werewolves are reasonable, and so on. I gave up when I realised that the best climax idea I could think of it was that the Wolves learned who the character might imprint on. I.e. A variant of my previous plot, with the potential imprint candidate doing the pushing.

[Yadal]

I suppose I'll start working and see if Chapter 1 is good. Hesitant because I don't know if my plan is any good.

[Yadal]

Actually, is it alright if somebody can just go through a 'rough draft' of Chapter 1? I want to try out the technique, but it's too embarassing to let most people see.

[Marri]

No such thing as too embarrassing! Just go for it :)

[Yadal]

EDIT: Decided my goal is that when this is done to reach quality levels on roughly the same bar as "Sky" or "Never Forgotten", minimum. But I would much prefer to reach it to a level where the emotions are stronger than that. I also need to deal with plot contrivance problems.

If anyone asks me to lower my standards I'll ask them to leave the thread. The only reason I'm allowing this to be crap this once is because it's a rough draft. It's going to need a complete rewrite, and I am well aware from that.

I am considering an Unreliable Narrator system, where I switch POVs as I go but make it clear a POV represents only a subjective perspective. But this is only worth it if my execution and particularly description can improve.

Goals for complete Chapter 1:
-Personality for Maria well-established: She's a person and more than her situation. Her stubborness and strong conscience are a part of her, but not the only part (Maria is going to be the ultimate protagonist, I've decided)
-A logical sequence of events leading to the mate bond (Tentatively going with 'Newborn, complete accident')
-Effective descriptive language. This is the hardest, but very important because effective emotions carry the story
-Subtle foreshadowing of what is going to happen (not good at the moment, but hopefully it can get better. It's important to note that if I get this right it will be good enough to submit to Alicorn as metafanfiction, and people will get to read it for the first time.)

Dilemna: I'm not sure whether to get David in an accident and have him accidentally turned or have it be just anyone. The former is contrived, but it adds an additional dimension to the story. Wrote both versions.

(EDIT: Damn it- forgot there's a major vampire character called David. I'll have to change my David's name)

Rough Draft

---

(POV: David)

I can't believe those two girls are such utter nerds.

I know I shouldn't be talking about my sister that way, but she really is. Gilda and Maria are supposedly childhood friends, and if you believe what they say best friends, seperated after two years unable to contact each other. Finally they meet, return to my sister Gilda's apartment in Rome, and what do they end up doing? Arguing about a fiction novel.

"Liu Bei", Gilda explained in English(calmly, thankfully), "does not seem to understand that he is responsible for the entire House of Han. He refuses to take Jing Province from Liu Biao as part of his desire to uphold the Han. As a result, as not only Zhuge Liang, but Liu Biao himself pointed out to him, this decision led to the loss of Jing Province, creating a disasterous chain of events which ultimately destroyed the Han anyway!"

I'm not sure if I would call the Battle of Chi Bi disasterous. Liu Bei and his descendants had at least two chances later in the novel to win decisively and restore the Han, both of which were squandered later. In particular, if Liu Bei's sworn brother Guan Yu had not been a complete ass at the worst possible time they probably would have won.

"What does the House of Han stand for, in the novel?" asked Maria. An important distinction, since we all knew the historical events were very different. "It isn't just an Emperor on the throne. It is a set of principles, one of which is that the eldest son will inherit his father's province. If Liu Bei is willing to sacrifice one principle, what is to stop him sacrificing another in the future? If Liu Bei did as you suggested, he only would he tear the entire house of Han down in all but name, but tear down the core principles of his own identity. And without those, what makes Liu Bei Liu Bei?"

"His big ears?" I quipped.

Gilda and Maria glared at me like I'd stolen their lunch. Apparently this was their argument, and I was not to interfere. That's another thing that I always found annoying about those two- arguments aren't fights, people! You certainly do not have honour duels in them! Gilda's fine when Maria's not around, but this was just ridicolous!

"I... have got to get to bed. Got a lot of work tommorow. I'm going home", I muttered. I wasn't going to apologise when I was right, but I couldn't take any more of these nerdgasms.

[OOC NOTE: David isn't meant to be socially awkward. I'm just not very good with social excuses]

---------------------
[OOC NOTE: After a bit of thought, I decided that David matebonding on Maria added another dimension to the drama. Trying to justify a turning in the Radiance world when David wouldn't want to be mate-bonded is difficult, but I figure it's not impossible. Still, there is a good argument I should sacrifice drama for plausibility.

Haven't done this bit because I can tell I have a massive justification problem here. A car crash isn't that contrived on it's own, but a sympathetic vampire happening to be nearby is.]

(POV: Sympathetic Vampire)

[Sympathetic Vampire has mate-bonded on a human and is distracted by him/her accordingly. S/he sees a car crash, and figures her mate would like it so she decides to rush in and help, then send them to the Coven.]

-----------------------
[NOTE: The considerable time skip that is logically necessary here is a story weakness, I agree. But I'm not sure what to do about it. We don't know Gilda or Maria yet so their emotions aren't that relevant. Nothing here can do something other than add a lot of padding to the story]

---------------------
(POV: Affonso)

[-I briefly introduce a new character, Affonso. Affonso doesn't really like the Coven, as he was doing fine under the Volturi reigme. But a job's a job, plus the Coven pay better than the alternatives.]
-Affonso is in charge of explaining things to David(who has calmed down enough for visitors), and decides to let his sister come along to see him.]



[It's a minor breach of regulations, but Affonso doesn't see the problem with her bringing a friend, because being a typical vampire he doesn't get the notion of consent. He hasn't even explained mate bonds yet because David has calmed down.
-David mate bonds on Maria. Affonso is actually jealous, since it's been 200 years and he hasn't found his.]

-----------------------------------------------------------------
(ALTERNATIVE: Simple version)
(NOTE: This is dramatically convienient, as I don't want the story to go on for too long without anything interesting happening. I figure it's reasonably plausible, after all. I considered other variants, such as Amadore accidentally seeing a photo, but if he explicitly doesn't want a mate bond that's unlikely. If he was unsure about it, then the culture would assume he wanted it and that's so statistically likely Maria would believe them)

(POV: Amadore)

Sometimes I hate my Coven.

I tell them to stop bringing their meals in here, they say no. I tell them to stop provoking the Golden Coven, because that's really stupid, they say no. I tell Constanzo to stop annoying me with photos because I don't want a mate, and he still doesn't.

"Come on Amadore!" cried Constanzo teasingly. "It could be your bride..." he said, almost singing with his last word. I'd close my eyes, but Constanzo is a century old (even if he doesn't act like it) and is holding them open by force. The statistical odds of this working are slim to none and he knows it but still-

"I said stop it!" I shouted, grabbing his hands impotently as I desperately tried to close my eyes. "Stop it stop it stop it stop-"

Then my world fell away.

[Alicorn]

If anyone asks me to lower my standards I'll ask them to leave the thread.

Yadal, if you anticipate a need to ask people to leave a thread on a forum that does not belong to you, perhaps this forum is not the right place to have the conversation you want to have.

[Yadal]

Yadal, if you anticipate a need to ask people to leave a thread on a forum that does not belong to you, perhaps this forum is not the right place to have the conversation you want to have.

Sorry about that. I know it was a bit rude. I didn't want to usurp mod powers or anything, but on the MWF IRC threads people from this community were harrassing me to try and make me give up on attempting to write quality fiction.

The reason I have to have it here is because, though admittedly it's not that good now, I'm trying to make a fic that ultimately is decent metafanfiction for Luminosity/Radiance. There are bits that don't make sense, and without help there's no way I'm going to keep these people in-character.

[Alicorn]

I bet you could find more help than you're expecting in other communities (and after all, it's not like anyone besides me here has tried to write the Luminosity characters, and I have a blanket refusal to discuss the quality of metafanfics people write about the story).

[Yadal]

I bet you could find more help than you're expecting in other communities (and after all, it's not like anyone besides me here has tried to write the Luminosity characters, and I have a blanket refusal to discuss the quality of metafanfics people write about the story).

Maybe. But I have no idea where I would do that, since I have no idea who might or might not be able to give me effective help. Here, I know people are fans of your work and thus are more likely to have a good grasp of this stuff. I'm going to assume you won't help because you have every right not to, but even so these people are more likely to have seen your glowfics of Bella and others which is a significant advantage.

I doubt this will affect you much, but I don't mind how much you criticise my writing of your characters and world as long as it's honest and accurate (which I trust you would be). Even if you're not helping, there's no need to hold back if for some reason you want to say something.

Finally, noting I'm afraid of several kinds of embarassing stuffups here so I need to be very careful. If I write the argument scene planned with Elpseth OOCly, or make Bella's overall strategy for the situation OOC for her and the situation, then the entire metafanfic is basically ruined.